Another day of underachievement!

I'll be glad when today is over. Another day of underachievement.

Every worry this widow has is not directly related to pensions, but they are all connected because where I live, how I live, and how quickly I can relocate are all determined by financial considerations.

Last weekend I woke at 3am because the power supply failed. When the electricity goes off my internal battery back-up lights come on. They only give a few hours of light, but they wake me up so that I can attempt to address the problem. In the early hours of Sunday morning the temperature was close to freezing and I was so miserable that I didn’t want to get out of bed. But I had to, because when the power fails the chickens are vulnerable to fox attack.

Often I can’t fix a power problem because the fault is with Western Power, but on this occasion the fault was on our property and I could fix it. But only after I had been through the process of elimination that eventually isolates and identifies the problem. Paul taught me how to do this, but I have never actually needed to follow the steps he recorded before.

When we first came here the faults were frequent, and prolonged and in those days they always originated with the main Western Power supply. When they happened one of us would be trying to keep the incubator temperature stable, by whatever means we could such as hot water bottles, we had a gas hob that could heat water, or heated bricks, we could light a wood fire. Whoever drew the short straw had to drive the ute out into the chook paddock and spend the night with the dog, just waiting, listening for the fox. Karri liked to have the ute window open so she could sniff the air, but usually the weather was a tad rough for that.

Last weekend the storm had just blown some outliers off the electric fence. When I trudged alone around the four hundred metres of perimeter fence in raincoat and boots I was thinking of the many times my dog Karri and I had done the same circuit. She didn't care if it was 3am and raining, life was always a joy for her, and the night scents a delight. Now Karri and Paul have both died and there was little delight for me, but eventually I found the gaps where the hot wire was making contact with the kangaroo netting. I couldn’t even see where the outliers had fallen, they must have blown a great distance away. I had to make some more by cutting short lengths of poly pipe and then making a slit at either end.

The failure of the power supply is always a worry, because without power we have no water. Our water is pumped from a tank into the hut. Originally we had a gravity tank but when that perished we got a pressure pump and ought to have also had a generator fitted, but we never got round to it. I need to consider this seriously if I'm still here in the summer because without a pump there will be no water to fight fires and often the main power supply fails early when there is a bushfire.

So, power is a worry for this widow

Water is a worry too. The only water we have is what we capture from our gutters into our water tank. Whenever we have a great storm there are swirls of leaves that can block the gutter, even though it has gutter guard fitted. When leaves block the gutter, or even partially block it the water cascades over in a waterfall effect. Then I have to climb the ladder to clear the blockage, or risk losing precious water that may be needed next summer.

So, water is a worry for this widow.

Failed to get to Busselton today due to an oil warning light on the car. Tried to phone my brother who lives close by for advice, no answer. Phoned a friend who advised me not drive any further than I had to, which was about 6kms. When I got home it was extremely difficult to make contact with the Ford main dealer who serviced the car recently because I have no land line at the moment. Telstra promised to repair it last week. They failed to achieve that date but they did phone me to tell me that there was a problem, and to set a new repair date for next week. Immediately before I set off on this morning's jaunt I had powered down the potentially exploding Galaxy Note 7, removed the sim card and packed it up ready to return to the store in Busselton. Now I only have the ancient flip phone which almost works most of the time if I'm standing in one particular spot. 

So, communication is a worry for this widow.

Difficult to stand still when I'm stressed but Sarah at Geographe Ford was, as usual patient, charming and helpful. All the staff at this Ford dealership have been wonderful to me this year, and they were so kind to Paul in his last weeks too.

Back in January I was driving him to Busselton hospital for a CT scan when a kangaroo hit the side of the car and then went underneath. The roo bounced away looking none the worse but it had removed a necessary connection to the engine management system. As we were due to be travelling to Perth for Paul's neurosurgical appointment later that month I was stressed about this damage even though the car was perfectly driveable. The girls at Geographe Ford pulled out all the stops to source the necessary parts and have them freighted down to Busselton so they could get the repair done in super quick time. 

Geographe Ford's advice today was not to drive the car with the oil light on until the RAC had checked it over. 

As I dialled the RAC, on the crackling flip phone I felt a rising panic that maybe I was no longer a member. My card only shows the year I joined the RAC, no information about when my membership expires. I've had so much pension admin this year that I was worrying the renewal of RAC membership might have been forgotten. I blurted this fear out to the young lady who answered the call, told her my husband had died and maybe I hadn't renewed. She was charming, and reassuring.She confirmed that I had renewed, but then she added that even if I hadn't the RAC would not take a hard line on someone under pressure. "We'd still come out to you if you'd forgotten to renew,  don't worry, we understand," she said.

I told her my drive is still blocked by the fallen tree. She said the RAC man would be OK with that, he'd find a way round.

So, fallen trees are a worry for this widow.

I only had to wait an hour for the RAC man Brett to get here from Augusta. He found a way round the tree, and when I became weepy with relief he said he understood the pain of bereavement, he lost his 17 year old daughter a couple of years ago. She died in a car crash. We shared our grief, we were just two humans who knew the pain of losing someone very precious. After he left I thought again about whether sudden death is worse than the long slow death that Paul had. Death at seventeen is just too soon however it happens.

Great relief when Brett explained that it was just a dirty sensor. My car is OK.

So, transport is a worry for a remote rural widow living many kilometres from a town.

By now the day had dwindled away, it was afternoon and I had cancelled the doctor appointment in Margaret River that was scheduled, and knew I wouldn't be in a position to return the Galaxy and get my refund today. All that I could do to gain some benefit from my day was attend to one of the practical tasks. I decided to slash the grass around the fruit trees. But even working on this brings worries. What if I have an accident? A fall, a cut, a snake bite?

My friend Michelle would probably notice if I failed to respond to a message, but that would be days not minutes or hours. And she lives in Augusta, which is some distance away.

So, accidents and even the possibility of acute illness are a worry for this isolated widow.

These worries are all things that Paul and I recognised would exist when one of us died, which is why we planned our lives and our finances the way we did. It was never part of the plan for one person to remain here on this remote rural property, it just isn't practical. Even with the kindness and understanding that I receive from the organisations dealing with my worries a widow cannot comfortably live with so many potential points of failure in the infrastructure and systems necessary for daily living.