Mind your language

This morning there was a discussion about the use of language, leading from an article published this morning by Vince Cable. In Cable’s article he is drawing attention to the failure of debate in modern

society.

It appears that one can no longer disagree with another person’s opinion without wanting to destroy them by launching wounding personal attacks. In another BBC comment this morning the use of the phrase “crashing out” being applied to tennis stars such as Andy Murray was criticised by a viewer. It reminded me of a psychology lecture covering eye witness testimony that used research demonstrating how people remembered different things depending on how an accident was recorded.

Our over use of extreme language has even crept into my own personal communications.  This week I received an email from the architect who had drawn up plans for the Wisbech bungalow. Recently I had a home visit from the planning officer and discussed what was proposed. These discussions led to a minor re-think about some aspects of the changes and she wrote to the architect about these. His immediate reaction was to write me an angry email in which he stated that he was “shocked that you want to make amendments”. My only response must be that this man has led a sheltered life and should try and develop more empathy with clients.

He was dealing with a newly widowed woman who had recently returned to the UK after many years abroad. She had bought a property in a town she didn’t know, where she knew nobody and she wanted to improve and renovate her new home.

In the months that have passed since the architect first saw the property many things have changed, she has progressed along the path of recovery from grief and is creating a new life as a single woman, she is less afraid of imminent incapacity which was something her experience caring for her husband had imposed on her, and there have been many warnings in the financial press about house values dropping. But most of all she has now had a discussion with an informed Fenland planning officer.

I would have hoped most architects might anticipate the requirements evolving and changing, particularly as this man submitted the plans before I had seen them. Someone with limited client empathy might be surprised, but there would surely be very few people who would claim to suffer shock!
Many things in life can be unexpected but they won’t be shocking. It was unexpected when this architect gave me his account and on the same day sent an email asking "When do you think you will be in a position to pay my account". Implied in this statement was the notion that I didn't know when I would pay. I hadn't anticipated that a professional wanted immediate payment, his account made no mention of same day payment. I always pay tradesmen as soon a a job is finished, but would usually pay other accounts once a week. His request was a surprise but it wasn't a problem, I paid him immediately - without going into shock. This man also acted in an unexpected way when he handed the plans into the planning department before I had an opportunity to look at them, bad move because I didn't like everything he proposed, but again I avoided shock, experiencing just minor irritation.

We really need to remember that if extreme language is used inappropriately then we devalue words that we may need in certain situations. Being diagnosed with a brain tumour and told you have only three months left to live is shocking, a person in that situation is entitled to say they are shocked. What word might the architect use if such a horrible event occurred in his life?

I hope by now he’s had a cup of hot sweet tea and a little lie down. Thank goodness I’ve found a new architect