Shocking Events

Having written about my architect's inappropriate use of the word shock I'm now suffering from it!On Thursday I had another U3A lunch outing. This time at The Moorings, Outwell. It was a lovely relaxed event and I met two new and interesting people. Returned home feeling blessed for the life I have, for the security of friends and family, the excitement of my future plans and my imminent Greek idyll. My first holiday as a widow.
I woke at around 1.30am to see a man bending over my bedside table. I'm sure that my feeling at that moment was shock. He was calm, I was not. He realised I had woken and moved away from me, thank God for that. I shouted at him, something completely pointless, such as "Who are you? What do you want?" He was silent. Would anyone but a an elderly widow ask such things. Who would expect him to reply. It was obvious who he was, a thief, and equally clear what he wanted as he held my mobile phone in his hand.
I jumped out of bed and ran after him, had I forgotten I was an old woman? I think I had. For just that moment I was an outraged and angry person, forgetting my age, my sex, my frailty. I was acting on instinct.
He left. Didn't close the door.
The cold air brought me to my senses and I didn't run after him. I picked up my phone and dialled 111. The operator told me it was some kind of NHS help line. I cancelled that call and tried to page back into memory what the UK emergency service number is, 999.
When the call was answered I asked for the police, and I was told my call would be placed in a queue.
I could barely hear the apologies for the wait in the queue, just the blood pounding in my head. I wedged the phone between ear and shoulder and tried to drag on some clothes. Fastening my bra was a bit tricky so I put the phone down, when I picked it up it was just offering another apology. How long do victims of crime wait in Wisbech?
In my case it was four and a half minutes. This might not sound very long but trust me our perceptions of time are context dependent. I was so grateful he had left as I waited I wondered how the drama might unfold. Imagine if I had cornered him? If I had boldly grabbed a kitchen knife and told him I was calling the police?
Once the call was answered the officers arrived within a couple of minutes, very efficient.
The thief had taken my bag, containing all my bank cards, store cards, membership cards, my mobile, my ipads, and my document case from my desk. Those were the tangible losses.
But he also destroyed my peace of mind. He left me suffering from a sense of shock and violation from which there will be no complete recovery.
When we lay down at night to sleep we are vulnerable. We know this and nobody is invited into our sleeping sanctuary unless we are on the most intimate terms. Unless there is complete trust. The greatest compliment we can offer our partner is to fall asleep in their arms, feeling safe.
Last night I lay down in my bed alone, no longer feeling safe, fretting and anxious.